Who, nine to five, must scramble for a living,
drinking too much coffee, sitting in a cube?
And who gets to work with antiquated systems
that sometimes maybe even work?

State workers! State workers! Tradition!
State workers! State workers! Tradition!

Who can push a paper so it goes nowhere,
with an inbox here, an outbox there?
Who can turn a process into a nightmare
of endless waiting on the paperwork?

State workers! State workers! Tradition!
State workers! State workers! Tradition!

Grade 6 I got my benefits, Grade 1o I got a raise,
I’m taking the promotional exam. I hope it’s easy.

State workers! State workers! Tradition!
State workers! State workers! Tradition!

[Due to contractual disputes with the union, the last verse is currently in litigation and cannot yet be posted.]

State workers! State workers! Tradition!
State workers! State workers! Tradition!

Little Synchroidiocies

A funny thought hit me while I was reading the details on a position I was applying for last week.

You see, I had to look up the term object relational mapping, which was listed in the experiential requirements bit of the job posting. Boringly, it just means moving data to and from objects in the code and relational databases.

This kicked around in the back of my head for a bit, then I had a little giggle fit that only someone who has spent their adult life stuck in IT could have.

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The sublime typo

We are a culture that likes to make the claim of be a textual culture, a culture of written words, but we only have one word for typos: typo.

We have thousands of words for colors, even the ugly colors, an excess of creative neologisms for finding new and inventive ways to talk about things that have gone terribly wrong in sports plays, or politics, or even interpersonal relations.

But when it comes to things gone amiss in the written word, it is a typo. 

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Stupid ideas: shameful self promotion

I know. This is a stupid idea.

I’m sorry.

I mean, everyone else is so busy engaging in shameless self promotion, that I thought it would help me stand out. Besides, people who engage in shameless self-promotion are eventually accused of engaging in shameful self-promotion anyway. So … cut right to the chase.

I’m sorry. You hate me already don’t you? It was a really stupid idea.

But maybe, if it is not too much trouble, I don’t want to put you out or anything, if you could, not to say you have to, take a faint glimmer of interest in this blog, it would be awesome. Though not too awesome, I wouldn’t want to make a fool of myself with an ego that was ten sizes too big for me.

I mean, I don’t even know how to tell the difference between shameless self-promotion and shameful self-promotion. I mean, just when I think I have it figured out, someone claims someone else I was sure was shameless was most shameful indeed. What would happen if I tried to do it and got it wrong? I could never live it down. Everyone would be looking at me and thinking “You shameless self-promoter you! You should be ashamed of yourself!” And that would be just awful. I mean, shouldn’t it be easy to be able to tell shameless self promotion from shameful self promotion? They aren’t synonyms or anything. I guess it means I’m just stupid or something.

Oh God, I feel terrible just thinking about it. I’m going to go under a rock and hide. Maybe it will squish me. Problem solved.

But really, even just a passing shrug to know you at least glanced my way before dismissing me. I mean, unless you have a shoulder injury or something and that would aggravate it. Then I would feel all bad that you injured yourself more. Maybe if you just gave the affect of having looked, so I wouldn’t have to be ashamed at the horrible things you saw here. That would be okay too.

I’m sorry. Please don’t hold it against me. It was a stupid idea.